#returnedmissionarydilemma

As you know I have recently returned from an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Philippines Angeles Mission. It's been almost a month since I've been home and many of you may be wondering the same thing: HOW ARE YOU ADJUSTING?! Well, to be honest, adjusting as an RM in America when you've spent 18 months in a 3rd world country is just about as awkward feeling as wearing denim overalls to the White House Inaugural Ball. It just doesn't feel right and you can't quite fit in no matter what you say.

FOR EXAMPLE

ENGLISH: my English has completely gone to crap. I now speak with some weird ghetto accent to overcompensate for my lack of confidence in English. And when I am in situations where I know I can't fudge my way through English (like a job interview for further examples) I have to sit and think for about 10 seconds before I finally figure out what it is I want to say in ENGLISH before I speak to the person who asked me a question.

TECHNOLOGY: In my mission, we had old school brick cell phones, we hand-washed our laundry, we hand-washed dishes, and we only used the Microsoft Vista programmed computers once a week to email our family/friends. When I came home, I couldn't remember how to use a WASHER AND DRYER and you all expect me to be brilliant on an iPhone?! Sorry, it's not happening. My whole technology brain got shut down and locked down while in the Philippines. Not saying that they don't have those things in the Philippines, because they do, but we didn't in our missionary apartments/lives! Now I'm learning that microsoft is up to Windows 8 or higher, iPhones come in colors now, cell phone plans can be individual or with friends/strangers now, and my 2 year old cousin can hack into a cell phone faster than I can...actually I can't so she's way ahead of me.

I'M ALONE: I haven't been alone for 18 months. AS IN other than going to the bathroom, I have not spent a SECOND alone in 18 months. The morning after I was released, my mom and I decided to go walking. I said, "I think I'm going to run a little" and so I go. Then I realized I was alone. I couldn't find my companion. Panic quickly set in. "Oh no...President is going to be so mad I lost my companion! What if she does something stupid?! What if she gets kidnapped?! OH MY GOODNESS I FORGOT MY NAMETAG TOO!!! WHAT IF I GET KIDNAPPED?!!!" And it continues. Then after about 3 minutes of eternity, the realization hits me that 1.) I don't have a companion 2.) I don't need my nametag anymore 3.) President is not going to get mad and no one is going to get kidnapped 4.) I am accountable for my own actions and not another person's. Being alone and making decisions for myself is probably the weirdest feeling I have currently...second to that is...

BOYS: I can hug boys now and it's weird. It's one of those things you don't really think that much about while on your mission because you're too busy/sweaty/smelly to care. But now I am home and suddenly all these boys want to hug me and I'm like, "AH! I CAN'T! I'M A....dang it...I'm not a missionary anymore...can't use that excuse..." and then I'm trapped in an awkward/long hug from someone I don't really care that much about and, try as I might, cannot get free. Once I am finally free from a hug of death, I quickly say a few short sentences and find myself inching further and further away from them while they are inching closer and closer to myself. Then I say one last thing and run for the nearest exit. Hopefully this dies down eventually.

As you can see, I have just become a big, messy, heap of awkward rolled into one 24 year old girl. Then throw in my culture shock and there you have me. So to ask the question again, "HOW ARE YOU ADJUSTING?" I think would be best describe in a small story for you all:

Last week I went to the grocery store and pharmacy to buy groceries and hair/skin care products. While in the grocery store I was attempting to buy vegetables/meat for a specific meal--just one meal--and tried buying carrots. There was only a giant bag of 15 BIG carrots available. I asked to myself, but it came out loudly, "WHY CAN'T I JUST BUY 3 CARROTS?! I DON'T NEED 15!" Then I moved on to meat. I thought, "Oh good, I'll just buy a 1/2kg of chicken and be on my way." NO MA'AM. You need to buy a huge package of chicken that basically has breasts from 8 different chickens in it because there's no way one chicken could have that many breasts. Again, I asked myself, but out loud, "WHY CAN'T I JUST BUY 1/2KG OF CHICKEN? WHO NEEDS THIS MUCH CHICKEN?! WHERE'S PALENGKE?! WHERE ARE THE FLIES AND PEOPLE CHOPPING UP WHOLE PIGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?! WHERE AM I?!!" After finding something that had a little chicken in it and was a relatively low price (but basically cost over 100 pesos just from my mind), I gave up and decided to go buy shampoo and face wash.

While looking at the shampoo I was overwhelmed by the SHELVES of options. 10+ brands to choose from, each with 10+ options of types of shampoo for 10+ different types of head/hair and about 100+ different scents. So of course, sensory overload is kicking in. I start thinking, "Ok...in the Philippines I used Head & Shoulders, Vaseline (sometimes), and Pantene (if desperate for hair help); those are international brands, I'll be able to find something no problem!" I was wrong. I am looking at the Head & Shoulders section and confusion washes over my face as I see about 20 different types and scents of the shampoo and not ONE of them was even CLOSE to what I used in the Philippines.  I go to a 3rd world country with limited options and can find something to fix my hair no problem--here, I'm in a 1st world country with MILLIONS of options and I can't find anything to fix my hair. WHAT? After awhile I gave up and grabbed a bottle and said, "Hopefully this doesn't make my hair fall out." Then I moved on to face wash. In my head I thought, "This should be easier...all I need is anti-bacterial face wash. It doesn't even matter what brand it is; basta kung anti-bac, ayos lang sa akin!" So I go to the "skin care" aisle and my sensory overload takes a new level. I am now in SUPER sensory overload times a million. Once again I was faced with about 10+ different brands to choose from, all of which had 10+ different types of facial wash for 10+ different types of skin. And not one of them said anything clearly. It was all, "Salicylic Acid treatment without BURNING!" "Anti-breakout!" "Gentle Cleanse for Sensitive Skin!" "Age Defying!" "Pimple BLASTING!" "Free scrubby attached!" and more. I was like, "What does this even mean?! I just need something anti-bacterial to kill the stuff growing on my face!" In the Philippines I used Eskinol or Ponds Anti-bacterial Face Wash after washing my face with an anti-bacterial bar of soap from SafeGuard. PONDS IS INTERNATIONAL...WHERE IS IT? Well here, Ponds just sells makeup remover wipes. At least at the store I was at that's all I found. I sat in the aisle in confusion and defeat. Hopelessly, I pulled out my iPhone (which I still can't use very quickly because my tech brain lags) and I Google searched "Anti-bacterial face wash". The best results showed up being available at a mall...and it was over $10 for a bottle of just anti-bacterial face wash...which in pesos is like 400 pesos for a bottle of face wash. I couldn't do it. I put my phone away, looked at the shelf, picked the cheapest bottle of Cetaphil I could find and walked to the checkout completely defeated by endless options and confusion.

I feel like it's my first week in the Philippines again, except all of a sudden they raised prices and changed the language without telling me. To say that I miss the Philippines would be a serious understatement. I miss palengke, I miss low prices for everything (and haggling!), I miss clear labels on products that actually help meet needs, and I REALLY miss stores that only have a few options that are totally solid and good instead of millions of options that are all useless.

So, for a third time, to ask, "HOW ARE YOU ADJUSTING?" I guess the best way to explain it is about as well as Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls moving from Africa to the USA and becoming friends with the Plastics within her first week. Crazy, tribal visions, and completely foreign, but really funny to watch/experience. Yeah, about that well. Thanks for asking :)

Dreams

I have the most messed up dreams on the face of the planet.  I don’t mean aspirations, I mean the kind of dreams you have while you sleep.  They are never normal.  I have never had a dream that I woke up from going, “Ah, that was a sweet story,” or, “That was cool.”  I usually have dreams that start out normal and then become something of, either, an acid trip, a nightmare, or a dream of inadequacy.  Let me explain the dreams of inadequacy.  It’s not me comparing myself to someone else or failing at something I’m normally great at, it’s extreme.  For example, I had a dream once that one of my favorite little kids was kidnapped by some crazy Asian people that ran a Chinese Opium den and I had to save her.  I had to go all “Taken” on those crazy Asians!  But I wasn’t super Tracy.  I was just regular Tracy; regular Tracy who ran in slow motion.  It was the worst dream ever because I was trying to do all these things and everything was in slow motion!  I saved her in the end, but the whole time I remember screaming, “I’m just Tracy!  Why can’t I be Super Tracy?!” That is a dream of inadequacy; being in a super situation and not being super.  I hate it.

Acid trip dreams are easy to explain.  They’re normal and then all of a sudden turn into colorful, confusing, craziness that involves lots of places, time travel, people, and hallucinations within the dream.  For example, I have had one where I was walking around Hogwarts and then the walls started bleeding paint (in various colors) and there was a mime playing the piano over my head wherever I walked.  That is an acid trip dream.

My nightmares aren’t the average run of the mill zombies attacking, monsters hunting me, or ghosts trying to chase me.  No.  My nightmares are always hostage situations.  ALWAYS.  I AM ALWAYS IN A HOSTAGE SITUATION IN A NIGHTMARE.  And it’s not like I’m in a huge group of people in a hostage situation, it’s usually just me in a basement chained to a chair and watching this psychopath sharpen a huge, rusty knife or load a gigantic rifle with bullets.  No, never a handgun, always a rifle.  And the guy almost always looks like Sloth from Goonies, when he doesn’t look like him, he looks like a really handsome guy that I usually went on a date with and ended up in the trunk of his car.  And I’m never quiet about getting abducted.  I’m always screaming and anytime it happens, no one is paying attention or cares.  I’ve even passed a cop while being abducted and he smiled and said, “Have a nice night you two!” Really, my faith in the American judicial system greatly decreases after one of those dreams.  Then I always end up dead because I’ve either come loose and tried fighting the guy or I’ve been screaming/talking/annoying him too much because he forgot to duct tape my mouth shut.  One time I got shot in the neck and I woke up convinced I had been shot in the neck.  These nightmares are no joke.

If my dreams are the least bit realistic, they freak me out into thinking I’m psychic and have had a vision of the future.  Déjà vu dreams, for lack of a better term, are what I usually have.  And they are never important things.  They are completely inane moments of the day, like brushing my teeth and then having a conversation with someone at school/work.  When I dream them, I’m like, “Ugh, here we go again.  A future slice of my boring life.” But when they happen, I’m like, “Woah. I’m psychic.  I’ve seen this before.  I’m like That’s So Raven, but without the whole staring off into space thing.”  Then I feel legit.  For those ones that seem so real and like psychic visions, I hope they are because then I’ll totally end up married to Ryan Reynolds and starring in so many movies in Hollywood they give me a star on the walk of fame before I’m 40. 

The reason I’m posting this today is because I had the most messed up dream of all time last night.  I dreamt that my mom and I were living in a house that was basically the same layout as our apartment but it had an upstairs.  Tara Soressi and Jessie Jolley were visiting us for the weekend and my mom decided it would be a good idea to bring home 2 new pets: a bunny and a dog.  To fully understand why this is a horrible decision, you have to understand how much I don’t like animals.  I have never liked animals.  I think I missed that gene in gestation.  Whenever we had field trips to animal centers or zoos, I was the one in the back asking when we were going back to school or doing something else.  They’ve never been interesting to me, dogs used to chase me as a child, and I have only ever liked one dog in my life.  I don’t like animals.  I barely tolerate them.  It’s terrible.  Anyways, she comes home with a bunny that looks exactly like the one from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail so naturally I’m terrified it’s going to eat me.  Then she brings in this dog that looks like the Caesar Dog Food dog, you know, the white puffy one.  And not only does she bring them into the house, but specifically puts them in my room because she knows I won’t touch them to get them out.  So I’m arguing with her.

                “Mom, why did you get two pets?!”

                “I thought it would be good for us.”

                “WHY?!”

                “Well, we’ve never really had pets before and I thought now would be a good time.”

                “So you got a bunny and a dog?!  Did you get anything to take care of them with? Like a leash, a cage, food?”

                “No.”

                “How are we supposed to take care of them?!”
                “Well, I didn’t think about that.”

                “Mom, take them back.”

                “No, we can’t take them back until tomorrow.”

                “Why tomorrow?”

                “Because we have to have them for at least a day before we decide we don’t like them and then we can bring them back.”

                “Again, how are we going to take care of these animals for one day if we don’t have ANYTHING to take care of them with?”

                “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”

We have no leash for the dog.  We have no home for the bunny.  And we have no food for either.  This is gonna go really well.  So Tara and Jessie take care of the animals and I’m ignoring them.  Somehow they make it through the night and the next morning I convince my mom to take them back.  So we go into my room and I find the bunny, which has officially turned into the bunny from Monty Python and is trying to eat my face and I turn around and go, “Where’s the dog?”  The dog has turned into a baby deer.  A BABY DEER. Not just any baby deer, but a flipping psycho baby deer that’s jumping ALL OVER THE PLACE. Mind you, my room is really small, so it’s bouncing off walls, the ceiling, my head, etc. 

                “Mom!  Your dog is a deer! Control your flipping deer!”
                “Be nice to the deer, Tracy.  Be gentle.”

                “Be gentle?!  The deer is jumping 6 feet in the air and trying to kick me in the face and you want ME to be gentle?!  You’re out of your mind!  These beasts are being released into the wild.”

                “No, Tracy.  We can’t throw them outside!”

                “It’s a rabbit and a deer.  Deer aren’t supposed to be DOMESTIC!  The bunny will be fine.”

I try really hard to get the animals outside, but it’s just not happening.  So I do what I say during scary movies: pants, keys, car, leave.  As I’m walking out the door to my car I realize where I am.  My house is in the middle of Chandler Field at SVU and there are a TON of students running around.  Not just SVU students, but some of my old Gilford High School classmates.  For every five SVU students, there are five GHS students.  And it was a disaster.  My two friends from SVU were with some of my least favorite GHS students.  My friend Tyler was engaged to one of them (who spent high school sleeping around and was the biggest jerk ever) and my friend Greta was dating the other one (who is currently in prison).  It was too much for me.  I woke myself up saying, “I’m done.”  It was so messed up.  I couldn’t handle it.  I woke up and instantly got out of bed so I wouldn’t fall asleep again and continue the crazy dream.  I told my mom about it and she just goes, “I would never get animals for our house.  But if I did, you’re right, I would put them in your room because I know you wouldn’t touch them and it would piss you off.” 

Clearly my mother knows how to comfort me after a terrible dream.  Thanks mom. 

Oh, and that was sarcasm, in case it didn’t translate through typing.  

Tonight was just like any other Sunday night in the Duchene household.  Come home from church, eat, and pop in a movie or watch a show on Hulu/Netflix.  Tonight after watching a new favorite, Mirror Mirror, we decided to watch something a little different on Netflix: The Justin Beiber movie Never Say Never. Now I have to say I did NOT want to watch this movie, but the madre’s interest was peaked and there was no turning back.  So we start watching and I’m immediately thinking to myself, “Oh my gosh, I’m watching Justin Beiber.  I’m so ashamed of myself.  What will my friends think? Oh heavens, some of them LIKE him and the others, oh I will never hear the end of this…”  There were clips of him as a baby, growing up (all 16 years of it…) and his “struggle” to break out (his “struggle” was all of like 2 years.  Big whoop, you’re still young.)  So then they show the screaming fans.  I instantly die laughing.  Throngs of screaming, hormone-raged pre-teens, teens, and moms are trying to fight their way through a crowd and barricades to get to him. Girls are crying, screaming, breaking metal doors open with their bare hands and what am I doing?  Laughing.  Hysterically.  Then they cut to a concert of his where he sings to a girl who is a complete chocolate mess onstage bawling her eyes out and he gives her roses.  It’s genuinely sweet to see it, but at the same time, hilarious. 

Then something happens…the madre turns to me and goes, “What would Tracy do at a concert if the headliner sang to her?”  Then I realized something: I would be that crying girl.  It’s true.  Here I am, a twenty-something year old woman who would instantly be reduced to a thirteen year old girl crying onstage at a concert.  BUT, let me emphasize this: it would not be a Justin Beiber concert.  In fact, I could think of about 5 concerts that would reduce me to a chocolate mess, bawling onstage, ugly crying, and being a thirteen year old and oddly enough, 4 out of 5 are boy bands.  So now that we have come to this point, I have a confession to make:

I, Tracy Lee Duchene, being of relatively sound mind and body, love boy bands. 

And my 5 concerts go as follows:

1.) NSYNC

2.) Backstreet Boys

3.) Jonas Brothers

4.) New Kids on the Block

5.) Spice Girls (didn’t see that one coming huh?)

THERE!  I said it! Now the whole world knows.  Not that my whole world didn’t already know, but in case anyone was wondering, there’s the truth.  I love boy bands.  I always have.  I will always and forever have a soft, special place for boy bands in my heart.

I guess you could say it started when I was an infant and my sister would dance around the house singing and dancing to New Kids on the Block.  I’m fairly certain she greatly wore out that cassette tape.  Or maybe it was my mom singing (off-key) to The Osmonds, Monkees, and Beatles, some of the boy bands of her life.  I don’t know where it started exactly, but I do know that it will never end, and I will always be a thirteen year old when it comes to them. 

When my sister and I were younger, at the peak of the Backstreet/NSYNC rivalry, she clearly chose Backstreet and I was a little closer to NSYNC, but we had a large grey area where we listened to and loved both bands.  You could say that our house was neutral territory for the rivalry.  Howie Dorough from Backstreet was my 1^st love and Chris Kirkpatrick was my 2^nd.  TO THIS DAY if I hear Chris Kirkpatrick on XL 106.7 in Orlando, it takes me EVERYTHING in me not to drop everything, drive to the studio and kick in some doors screaming his name like a possessed psychopath.  Not that I think I would actually be able to do anything other than cry and giggle like a thirteen year old, but the fact that I would be in the same room as him would be enough for me to have a complete brain aneurism and die right there.

Last summer, the madre, my sister, and I went to the NKOTBSB concert at the Amway Center.  It was THE BEST concert I’ve been to ever. Hands down.  Backstreet reunited (minus Kevin, but who really liked him anyways?) and sang ALL their classic songs and NKOTB reunited and sang all their classics.  And they ALL looked HELLA good.  Um, HELLA HELLA HELLA GOOD.  Nick is finally sober, Brian doesn’t have heart issues anymore, AJ is sober, Howie is perfect (like always), Donny Wahlberg is DANG FINE, Joey is still adorable, Jordan can still sing the high notes perfectly, and Jonathan and Danny still look super fly.  Oh lordy and when they combined forces and became NKOTBSB, it was like, oh my gosh.  Can’t even describe it in words.  JUST AMAZING.  Oh, and guess who were special guests? BOYS TO MEN.  BAM.  Yeah, it made it even better.  It was legit the best night ever.  I died and went to heaven.  I couldn’t speak the next day at work because my voice was gone from screaming so much.  It was worth it.

 

The only other epic concert of epicness that I can describe from my boy band love was the Jonas Brothers concert of 2008.  My Best Friend, Nicoleon, brought me with her and we were the only people there without a chaperone.  Everyone around us had a mom with them and was under the age of fifteen, easily.  Then there was us, the eighteen year olds, probably more excited than they were.  We went in, screamed like you would NOT believe, and had the best time.  I am forever grateful to Nicoleon for taking me to that concert with her, it was a glorious night of boy bandiness that I will never forget. To Nicoleon: remember when they sang about NH in the song and we instantly turned thirteen and said, “OMG, WE’RE FROM NH!  WE’RE IN NH! OMG! WE’RE BETTER THAN CALIFORNIA!!!!”  Yeah, I always think of that when I STILL listen to that CD.

This summer, I have discovered that I love another boy band, yet again, a new love has sprung.  They’re a little band called One Direction, I don’t know if anyone’s heard of them, but I love them. (Please note the sarcasm…of course you’ve heard of them.) Anyways, every time one of their songs comes on the radio, I BLAST it.  If I go deaf prematurely, it will be at the fault of boy bands and how much I love them.  I love One Direction.  I don’t know why!  They’re like, at least, 4 years younger than me, I don’t know any of their names, but their music takes me back to that thirteen year old feeling, and I’m not ashamed.  I am proud of my love of boy bands.  No matter how much my taste in music changes (and it has changed a lot), I always go back to the boy bands and the solo boy artists a la Nick Lachey, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Cabrera, Jesse McCartney, and Michael Bublé. 

So now it is past midnight, I work today (Monday), and what am I doing when I should be sleeping?  Blogging about boy bands while listening to my Backstreet Boys station on iheartradio.com.  Yeah.  This love runs deep.  I love boy bands more than sleeping.  That’s what’s up.

“Grow Up.”  Two words that I think I have heard more times than I can count in my lifetime.  When used by an adult, it usually is implied that they want you to stop bugging, bothering, burdening, and/or disappointing them so you can mature into a self-reliant adult.  When used by teenagers or peers, however, the definition is more of a “pull your self together” sort of phrase.  An encouragement to become as “mature” as those around you or a dig at why you are so far behind everyone else on the maturity ladder.  

I’m not ashamed to admit it that I have heard that phrase just as often as I have given it out.  I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a self-sufficient/mature adult.  I still live at home, I’m working at a job, not on a career, and I just finished college and am buried under a mountain of debt that is roughly $48K.  Am I feeling grown up yet?  Eh, not really.

But with the term “Grow Up”, I have learned a few things that are more implied things everyone should know when they enter adulthood.  Some of them are physical, most of them are mental and all about maturity.  They're the "common sense" sort of things that are never written down anywhere or outright told to anyone because they're things that everyone should basically know inherently.  I don’t profess to be the most mature person in the world, but I do have my moments of maturity.  I also was born with this wisdom of inherent common sense and wish to impart some of my wisdom to the world that is lacking common sense.  People of the world lacking common sense: take notes.

1.) Being 18 doesn’t entitle you to the same level of respect as a 30 year old.  Just because you have left the realm of High School and are entering young adult status, it doesn’t mean I need to/have to treat you like a mature adult.  Act your age and you will get the respect your age deserves; act younger/older, you will be treated accordingly. 

2.) When at a job, treat your employers (supervisors, managers, and the company) with respect.  You are being paid to do a job: do it.  If you do it well, you’ll be rewarded.  If you do it poorly, you will be punished.  Guess what?  That’s what happens in real life.  Everyone around you is being paid to do exactly what you are doing and if someone is doing more than you, the people in charge notice that and wonder why you aren’t doing it too.  Keep it in mind, it’ll get you ahead.  Take it from someone who knows.

3.) When at a job, if you dislike any of your coworkers or employers/bosses, you still have to respect them.  This isn’t High School anymore where you can ignore them, say rude things to them, have loud and ridiculous confrontations, or even get physical and fight, and then get away with just a warning.  You do that, you will leave with no job and a possible criminal charge, depending on what happens.  Know well enough to respect them while at work and then vent about them as much as you want to off the clock in the privacy of your HOME.  Never on social media, never in a blog, never in an email or text.  Anything in writing can be held against you and sometimes you send things to the wrong person…remember that anyone can press SEND by mistake.

4.) When working, your number one priority is working.  It’s not flirting; that’s what clubs are for.  If you want to get paid to flirt, I’m sure you can find a pimp in your city. 

5.) Stop taking things personally.  Unless someone is in your face telling you offensive things about you personally, let it go!  So what if someone complimented someone next to you instead of you.  Deal with it, stop being butt hurt and get over it!  Not everything is about you.  I know it’s shocking, right?  Some things are out of your control, and it’s okay. 

6.) COMMUNICATION IS KEY.  Communicate in full sentences rationally.  If you need something, use your words.  If you don’t like something, think before you speak, and say it nicely.  Another important facet of communication is LISTENING.  If someone is speaking to you, LISTEN.  If you’re arguing about something, LISTEN TO THE OTHER SIDE AND THEN VOICE YOUR SIDE WHEN THEY ARE DONE!  Don’t shout over one another!  ONE AT A TIME!  Yelling over one another is for children and classless people.  Pretend to have class and listen to others.

7.) Sometimes you have to go to bed early.  Sometimes you have to sacrifice partying to go to bed early for a job, an appointment, a meeting, etc. the next day.  Sleep.  It makes you alert, healthy, and beautiful.  Who doesn’t want to be better looking?

8.) Pull yourself together: Be Clean, Be On Time, Be Prepared.

                -BE CLEAN: Nobody likes people who smell badly.  It’s a fact of life.  Who remembers that one kid in elementary/middle school who had “the smell” because they refused to exercise good hygiene practices?  We ALL had one.  Don’t be that person.  Adults don’t want to work with that person and employers don’t want to employ that person to represent their company.  Be clean.

                -BE ON TIME: Being late was cute when you were a kid and couldn’t tell time.  You’re an adult now and all clocks that people use are digital now.  You have no excuse for being late anymore.  If you’re going to be late to something, call ahead and give a warning (half an hour in advance is best).  There’s a saying in theatre that pretty much sums it up: “If you’re five minutes early, you’re on time.  If you’re on time, you’re late.  If you’re five minutes late, you have been recast.” Just remember that for other life situations. BE ON TIME.

                -BE PREPARED: This can range anywhere from having gas in your tank to paying your bills on time.  With every bill you pay on time, your credit score improves which means you can buy a car/house one day.  Having gas in your car means you’ll never break down in the middle of nowhere and falling victim to a roadside serial killer.  Have money in your account or wallet or car for emergencies like a tire going flat, breaking a shoe, etc.  Be ready for meetings (know what you’re going into and be prepared to answer any questions they may ask you).  BE PREPARED.

9.) Dress like an adult.  I don’t mean wear your grandma’s muumuus or mom jeans or your dad’s knee socks and sandals.  I mean dress age appropriate.  If you’re 35 and wearing graffic tees everyday that say things like “Team Jacob” or “I Heart Peeta” you should really change something about your life…like stop reading J-14 magazine or listening to Justin Beiber and maybe start shopping in the misses section of  Kohl’s instead of the Juniors.  Wear things that bring out the best qualities in you.  Know your shape, what flaws you want to cover and what assets you want to accentuate.  Know what colors flatter you and what colors wash you out.  Learn about fashion!  It’s so easy!  Watch “What Not To Wear” online and read their tips!  Read Cosmo for heaven’s sakes.  Stop looking like a messy teen and start dressing like you care a tiny bit for yourself. 

10.) Take care of your personal belongings.  Keep your home/apartment/room relatively clean.  If you’re messy, keep the mess but get rid of the crusty plates on the floor.  Make sure no bugs/rodents are living there with you.  Clean out your car every now and then (vacuum it, wash it, throw trash out) and get your oil changed on time.  It will last longer if you take as good care of it as you would yourself or a baby. 

11.) Realize there are other people in the world besides you.  The world doesn’t revolve around you, believe it or not, and they matter too.  Serve others and it’ll come back to you.  Care about other people in real life, not just on Facebook.

12.) KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND STICK WITH IT.  It’s not worth it to change yourself to fit in with everyone.  You are who you are and there’s no way around it.  Find yourself!  Discover new bands, movies, books, places, styles, etc. until you find the ones that you like the most.  It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or likes if you hate those things.  Never sacrifice who you are for anyone.  Anyone who really loves you and cares for you will accept you for who you are and help you to improve those amazing qualities you already have.  LOVE YOURSELF.

13.) NEVER take your age too seriously.  I know that sounds like a huge contradiction to everything I just typed but it’s true!  You may be 12 or 72 but just because you may be a certain age it doesn’t define who you are.  You are still fun, serious, dumb, smart, adventurous, scared, brave, silly, etc.  Age is just a number.  Age just says how long you’ve been on earth.  It doesn’t say anything about how much you’ve experienced or changed.  I’m 22 and have my moments where I still act like a 13 year old girl.  You’ll always have something that makes you revert to old behaviors and that’s what makes you who you are.  Love it and keep it!

All of these things are what I think it takes to grow up.  Like I said earlier, I am in no way mature all the time.  I still have a hard time respecting people I don't like, swallowing mean things I want to say or serving others.  But I know that when I do respect people I don't like, hold my tongue when I could just as easily let something horrible loose or serve someone, I feel a lot better about life and I am definitely blessed for doing so.  I don't know everything.  I still have a lot of growing up to do and things to learn.  But in the time that I've been alive, I’ve figured out some things and I'm sure more is coming.  But for now, I’ve gone from a litte girl playing dress up…

To an awkward teenager who can't dress herself…

To a complete dork…

And Finally to THIS.  A college graduate and somewhat productive member of society…

But still able to proudly get her "Disney Princess On" at Magic Kingdom like a 6 year old…

I am obsessed with pop culture.  Music, movies, television, etc., are my life-blood.  So naturally when I have seen a movie that I am positive is a classic, I am also 100% sure that everyone else in the English speaking world has seen it.  My thoughts and hopes of people seeing these movies or knowing where my references originate have consistently been dashed against the rock as I have been at SVU.  Most students I have met, at school, have never heard of more than half the things I talk about.  I honestly thought it was just a “bubble” thing. 

My thought of coming home to Orlando has me convinced that people would FINALLY understand what I’m talking about.  People of the world can understand my references, for once, and all will live in harmony forever.  However, in the last few days at work, I have been surprised to find out that my pop culture wisdom is basically just for me.  Needless to say, I found that it’s clearly not a bubble thing.  It has everything to do with the fact that people are uneducated fools when it comes to pop culture.  My straw that broke the camel’s back, in this case, was finding out that only 3 people I work with have seen The Princess Bride.  Three out of tens of people ranging in ages from 16-60 have seen that 1980’s classic.  My whole view of the world and life itself was shattered.  How can a person live and function in adult society today and not see The Princess Bride?!  It’s scandalous, really, and truly disappointing.  Since that fateful day, I have felt the need to run around my work place screaming “Educate yourselves!” So far, my cries and pleas for people to learn more about pop culture are in vain…just like when I try to teach my friends from college/high school about pop culture (you know who you are).

So I have decided that I will begin educating the masses through this blog post.  I have found the top 250 movies of all time (that is right, ALL TIME people) from imdb.com and you all can read it, watch these movies, etc.  There are some on that list that I think they could do without and some that I agree are important, but not THE MOST important.  I will highlight the ones that I 100% agree with and then I will make my own list of movies that will educate the world. 

IMDB List:

#4-Pulp Fiction: It’s classic Tarantino.  Watch it and learn.

#6-12 Angry Men: Classic movie about jurors on a murder trial. 

#7-Schindler’s List. Needs no explanation.

#9-Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Also see #’s15 and 22 because they are the other 2 parts of the trilogy.  EDUCATE YOURSELVES ON GEEKDOM.

#11-14

#17-Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope as well as all the other Star Wars movies.

#19-Casablanca. It’s probably one of the most famous movies of all time.  If you haven’t seen it, do it.  If you refuse to see it, die.

#25-Raiders of the Lost Ark and every other Indiana Jones movies starring Harrison Ford ever made.

#29-Psycho. A horror/thriller movie classic.  Everyone knows the shower stabby scene and music.  Now watch the rest of the movie.

#30-It’s a Wonderful Life. You can’t go wrong when James Stewart is in a movie.

#41-Alien. An alien fetus claws its way out of a woman’s abdomen.  It’s kind of legit.

#42-The Avengers. It just came out, go see it. Tons of handsome men fighting.  Perfection in movie form.

#46-Toy Story 3. While you’re at it, see the other two.

#48-The Shining. AMERICAN HORROR CLASSIC.  “Here’s Johnny!”

#52-The Pianist. Oscar gold.

#61-Back to the Future. Needs no explanation.

#70-The Prestige. Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Michael Caine: you can’t lost with them.

#82-Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It’s a movie, it’s a musical now, it’s an epic win. 

#84-Singin’ in the Rain. Gene Kelly at his finest.  Singing, dancing, and “I cayn’t styan-em.”

#94-Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.  See #17.

#101-The Lion King. “Simba, remember….” Disney’s Golden Age of Movies. 

#102-Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. See #25.

#136-146

#151-The Artist. 2012 Oscar Gold.  It’s amazing.

#162-Gone With the Wind. It beat The Wizard of Oz for the big awards in ’39.  Plus, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

#179-Slumdog Millionaire. It’s SUCH a good story about a boy’s life story and his journey in India and on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”

#197-The Princess Bride.  YOU ALL MUST WATCH THIS MOVIE TO LIVE.

#208-The Exorcist. Head spinning all the way around, crab walking downstairs, and it’s a horror classic.

#217-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Before you watch that one, watch all the HP movies.

#218-A Streetcar Named Desire. “STELLA!!”

#227-Roman Holiday. Audrey Hepburn at her finest, besides Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

#233-Rosemary’s Baby.  It’s a fascinating tale of Paranoia and pregnancy.  Watch it.

Alright, so that list is all well and good, but since this whole blog post, and blog itself, is about me and what I think will educate people, here is my PERFECT list for the educating of the masses.

Tracy’s List of Perfectly Educating the World:

-Every Disney movie ever made:

                -From Snow White to Brave. If you want to really go above and beyond, watch the silly symphonies, steamboat willy and the silent movies too.

-The ENTIRE Star Wars collection (maybe not the cartoon ones, but every other one)

-Lord of the Rings trilogy. 

-Harry Potter series. 

-Indiana Jones

                -All movies, maybe not the new one with Shia Lebouf, but the originals with Harrison Ford)

-The Princess Bride

-Gone With the Wind

-The Wizard of Oz

-ALL Mel Brooks movies, including, but not limited to:

                -Blazing Saddles                               -Robin Hood Men In Tights

                - Young Frankenstein                     -The Producers

-Monty Python Movies:

                -Monty Python and the Holy Grail            -History of the World Part 1

                -Monty Python’s Flying Circus                  -Any other one you can get your hands on

-ANYTHING by Rodgers and Hammerstein.  That includes, but is not limited to:

                -The Sound of Music                                       -Cinderella

                -The King and I                                               -South Pacific

-ANY musical that became a movie from the 1940s-1970s.  INCLUDING:

                -Bye Bye Birdie                                                  -Annie Get Your Gun

                -Seven Brides for Seven Brothers                      -My Fair Lady

                -Calamity Jane                                                  -West Side Story

                -The Pajama Game                                         -Thoroughly Modern Millie

-ANY Gene Kelly/Fred Astaire/Rock Hudson/Doris Day movie. My favorites are:

                -Singin’ in the Rain                                          -Pillow Talk

                -Funny Face                                                    -Easter Parade

                -That Touch of Mink                                       -Summer Stock

-John Hughes movies from the 1980s, and any other ‘80s teen classic.  Including, but not limited to:

                -The Breakfast Club                                        -Sixteen Candles

                -Pretty in Pink                                                 -Can’t Buy Me Love

                -St. Elmo’s Fire                                               -Say Anything

-‘90s/2000s teen movies.  Including, but not limited to:

                -She’s All That                                                   -The Election (Pick Flick!)

                -Drive Me Crazy                                                -Drop Dead Gorgeous

                -10 Things I Hate About You                             -Bring It On

                -Clueless                                                            -Never Been Kissed

                -Zoolander         

-Scary Movie Classics, including, but not limited to:

                -Psycho, The Shining, The Birds (Anything Alfred Hitchcock)

                -Signs, The Sixth Sense, The Village (Anything M. Night Shyamalan)

                -The Exorcist

                -Poltergeist

                -The Grudge Trilogy (actually, it’s kinda funny.)

-ANYTHING by Jim Henson:

                -Muppet Treasure Island                              -Muppets in Space

                -The Muppet Movie (circa 1979)                  -Muppets in Manhattan

                -The Muppets (circa 2011)                           -Muppet Christmas Carol

                -The Great Muppet Caper                           -Muppet Family Christmas

There are LOADS more movies that I haven’t added to this list, but this is pretty good to start your pop culture education with.  If anyone has more to add to the list, comment/message/email me and I’ll add them to the list!

Ready, set, EDUCATE YOURSELVES!