Theme Parks: A Place For Observing

One of the things I like about working at a theme park is people watching.  I absolutely love people watching.  It’s like being at a people zoo or a people aquarium; fabulous.  I see people of every shape and size, wearing all levels of cover, and all ages of people.  It’s the best thing about working at a theme park. 

Amidst all these crazy people, my favorite type of people to watch at the theme park are toddlers on leashes; they are always hilarious.  There are four types of toddlers on leashes too: Happy, Dog-like, Inconsolable, Dead-Weight. 

The Happy toddlers are great because they love the backpack leash/wristband leash.  Some stay happily attached to their parent’s grip like it’s no big deal, and some prance around on the leashes like they are dogs or horses.  They love it.  Thanks to Google images, this is what they usually look like:

The Dog-Like toddlers are so funny.  They are like dogs on one of those extender leashes that have been retracted quickly by the owner.  They walk a little bit, the parents give them some slack on the leash, and they try to run for it, but are soon stopped by the hands of the leash.  They make a disgruntled face, wait a few seconds, and try again, only to face the same thing again and again.  This is what they usually look like:

The Inconsolable toddlers are really funny as well.  Generally they are trying to escape from the leash like the fire department using the jaws of life.  They tug at the straps, the leash itself, and then, in a fit of rage, drop to the ground on their knees and scream like no other.  It doesn’t matter where they are, what’s going on around them, or who is nearby; they will scream until the leash is off…or until the parent disciplines them.  This is what they generally look like:

But the best toddlers on leashes are the Dead-Weight toddlers.  They are so done with being pulled around on the leash, tricked like the Dog-Like toddlers, and have given up on crying like the Inconsolable toddlers.  They have moved to a super level that I like to call the Up level.  Remember that scene in Up where Russell is hiking with Mr. Fredricksen through the jungle and he just face-plants on the ground and says, “I’m tired, and my knee hurts…my elbow hurts and I have to go to the bathroom.” 

That is what they look like.  And then they are either dragged through the park by their parent or they are picked up and carried off.  Either way, it’s hilarious.  These kids have become theme park ninjas in the way they are able to manipulate their parents into getting exactly what they want.  And they know what they’re doing too; and I’ll tell you why.  Because you see them coming.  I’ll be at a food cart and see the kid on a leash point to the cart I’m at, selling whatever it is I’m selling.  The child is denied their pleas, they cry, give up, yank on the leash, give up, then face plant right in front of my cart.  The parent wants to know what they can do to make the child happy again.  The child points at what he/she wants, and when I get it for them, I laugh and they give me the “muahahaha, I’m awesome” look.  Brilliant children.  I hope I have a herd just like them.